Posts filed under ‘Motherhood’
being mom and being sick
Oh man what a crazy week! I was sick and in and out of the doctors for 3 days then admitted to the hospital for three days, now home to recover and I’m on day 2 of that and I’m exhausted!!!! So here are the things that are going through my mind this week as being mom and being sick have become my world…
Tiring
Work
tears
Overwhelmed
Prayer
God
Friends
Support
compassion
Respect
Blessed
there have been ups this week yes but mostly downs and so I’m tired, exhausted, and worn out and praying day 3 will bring some highs. and of course I’m wishing I had some trick for being mom and being sick, but all I got is Prayer and well that’s enough for today.
In about 2hours…
In about 2 hours my heart will stop, why you ask! becuase in exactly 2 hours from now at 1:32am it will mark exactly one year since i woke up my husband, mom, and bestfriend and said “i’m not sure but i think my water have broke” yup 12/13/09 marks the one year anniversary of my first baby’s birth!
The story is long and you can read it about here. But to highlight the day went something like this.. 9pm on 12/12 spoke with christina who asked are you in labor? to which i replied no this baby isn’t gonna come for another month, he is dropped but i think he has a couple more weeks, atleast i hope he does anyway. but if he is gnna come he better come tonight cause i dont want him any closer to christmas! HAHA 
by ten i was in bed with a “tummy ache” at 1am my husband comes to bed and i went to the bathroom. at 1:25 i climbed back into bed at 1:26 i got out of bed to change my sweat pants after i sneezed at 1:26 and 30second sweats soaked and water everywhere:) at 1:30 i scream “tyler i think my water broke!” (yes it took me several minutes to decide that was infact what happened and not jsut that i peed my pants) i then called my mom and my bestfreind so they could then describe to me what it is like when your water breaks so i could be sure, i really wasn’t convinced yet. they convinced me to go get checked so about an hour later i wonder into the hospital and made my way to LDR where was promptly checked out and hooked up to monitors, i was asked to rate my contractions to which i replied “i dont feel anything” to which the nurse argued “well i can see on the monitor your having a decent contraction” to which i again replied “i don’t feel anything” she then felt my stomach to confirm the monitor was working properly and it was. we went like this for a couple hours me saying i think i feel it, wait maybe not, oh wait here is one, and its gone. there was a lot of laugher and giggling at lack of certiantity in my labor. and then bam! oh man was i working hard! they dont hurt but holy cow were they strong! and then suddenly “someone get the nurse i think i need to push!” and sure enough by 6am my baby boy was in my arms! 4.5hours after my water broke!
it was instant love!
the year went something like this….
Daddy caring baby around in football hold as we packed up our hospital room. we spent a week on lights at Mame’s house for jaundice. we celebrated his first christmas at only 2 weeks old!
by a month we had a beautiful routine down of nursing and napping and going out during the day
.
at two months he was baptized in the name of the lord.
At 3 months we went to dland as a family for the first time! so fun!!!
at 4 months we started sitting on the potty, learned to roll over and a week before 5months on mothers day to be exact he sat up for the first time.
at 6 months we started on food!!
at 7 months we got our first 2 teeth and had started crawling.
on his 8 month birthday we found out he was gonna be a big brother.
at 9 months he was standing and trying to walk without holding on.
at 10months we moved, Harv mastered walking furniture and discovered the cell phone and calling daddy!
at 11 months we are talking up a storm, he can say Dad, George, Dog, Tree, Duck, that, no, hi. and just yesterday he stood without holding onto anything, clapped for the first time and said up, and cut his 6th tooth!
Where has this year gone? what happen to that baby boy so tiny in my arms, who would sleep in my lap and stare up at me. the baby boy who i use to just sit and watch sleep for hours on end? at what point did my baby go from being my baby to being a boy? and at what point will he come a little man? a grown man? why does time goes this fast? for now for this moment i am going to sit and savor my photos, my journal, and my memories of my little boy who will so quickly be grown even more!!!!
Much to be thankful for this year!
As i get ready for thanksgiving i watched my husband and my son share in their morning routine of tickles, headbuts, kisses, hugs, and laughter while they got dressed today. and it made me realize how thankful I am. My husband and i have made a lot of choices this year, most of which we have gotten a slack from from family and misc. people. But those choices have been choices of sacrifice. Sacrifices that sometimes were hard to make or were slow to be made and have made life a little more difficult, yes, but sacrifices that are well worth the end result. Because of these choices and sacrifices i get to be home with my son everyday, i get to be here for every up and every down, every smile and every tear, every laugh and every scream. Sometimes its hard, some moments i cry with him, but at the end of the day, or as it was the start of the day today i am so thankful for those choices we have made. No matter how tough it is right now i wouldn’t trade any of it to be away from my son and miss out on who is he is. Sure i could work a 40hr (or as it was a 50/60hr) work week and we could be in a position of owning a house but i would have to do that at the sacrifice of missing my sons first attempts at words, his first time rolling over, the first time he crawled, the first time who stood, and the first time he decided he could walk. I would have missed the first time he danced, and the joy on his face when he discovered that more than just balls can go into his pound it away boat. Yeah i would get to see the later attempts of all of these in that hour i would get to spend with him between 5pm when i would get off work and 6:30 when he goes to bed and on saturdays and sundays. But Its not the same, i know its the same when i see the look on my husbands face when i told him his son said duck and quack quack, or the tears that came to his eyes when i told him Harvey just spent the last 15min in the car saying dada dada dada because he was so excited to have lunch with his daddy.
My son may not ever be able to say his parents bought him a car, he may not ever get every christmas present or birthday present he ever wanted, Heck we may not ever be able to buy him a whole lot period, but in 20 years when he grows up, he’ll be able to say my mom and dad were there. and for that I am thankful. Today i am thankful to know that i am here and tomorrow i will be thankful that i was here, and someday when i can’t be there anymore he will be thankful that i was here.
My advice to the prego/new mom!
Everyone has little pointers for you along with way during your pregnancy from how to get the swelling in your feet and hands down, to what to eat, how to induce labor, how to take or not take that epidural, how to get a baby to sleep better, eat better, and grow faster. it seems like every person you meet along the way has a thought. well being a first time mom i heard a lot of them along the way and well i would like to say it ends at birth it doesn’t i still get pointers and opinions left and right and sadly i don’t think they will ever end. I guess the plus side is that now that i am a mom i get to hand out my pointers its a vicous cycle i know and i’m gonna proudly contribute! however, i am not gonna tell you the best way to get your baby to sleep, or the best remedy for morning sickness. the truth is i had no morning sickness (which FYI doesn’t mean you are sick in the morning it means you’ll be sick in the morning, or 1st trimester, of your pregnancy), i also didn’t really have a back ache or swollen ankles (although my feet and legs got pretty bad the last couple of weeks). my son was born a natural sleeper and has himself gradually broke himself of night nursings and is now down to one if that. to be honest my pregnancy was fairly eventless, as was my birth, and so far has been motherhood.
Instead my advice is simple but is based on my experience, here it is….. READ READ READ READ Educate yourself!!!! that’s it that’s all of my advice. but it goes along way. from my experience the pregnant women who has educated herself on her birth desires usually gets the birth she desires, the mom who understands her mothering choices is usually more satisfied in her job as mom. Every baby is different, every women is different. In the end all that matters is that you and your baby are happy and healthy. while i may choose to practice extended breastfeeding, elimination communication, my right to homebirth ( the next time around), cloth diaper, and so much more i recognize that things are right for me and my family and may not be right for you and yours. But i feel confident in my choices i know that they are what is best for my family because i have read both sides of each choice and then made my stance and i stick by the choices, as should you! read, educate yourself, and make your choice based on your knowledge of your family. But don’t take my word for it go out and find out how well it works for your family.
Being a Mom
Being a mom .. Anynomous….
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “starting a family.” “We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.” But that is not what I meant at all, I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes, I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her than no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his. I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who hae tried to stop war, prejudice, and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Thoughts on Motherhood by Bunmi Zalob
This was original posted on facebook by Bunmi Zalob titled Dear oprah…No
i loved it so much i wanted to post it here for others to read. its in regard’s to Oprah’s Show this week on motherhood….
I saw a preview for your show about Motherhood last week and knew instantly that I wouldn’t be watching. Even though an acquaintance of mine who I like quite a bit made a cameo, the show’s slant left me feeling sad. It seems as if the new national pastime isn’t baseball or any sport for that matter, it’s the game of chipping the beauty, the wonder away from the calling of motherhood.
We’re in a day when bitching about your kids online, if you do it regularly enough, can be called a job. I understand the entertainment value of reading about a crazy day one can relate to but have a sneaking suspicion that we are quickly painting a collective caricature of who and what a mother is that is unsightly to say the least.
Oprah, I have bad days. Days of unrelenting noise, piles of unwashed clothes, unfinished work, and child tantrums but in no way do I generalize those moments to encompass who I am as a mother and how this calling has changed me at the core. Every day the mystery of life is at my feet and in my arms drinking from my soul and replenishing it at the same time. A new empathy for people from all walks of life has entered my consciousness by being the caretaker of just one of the world’s citizens. I’ve experienced the look of knowing from women I may never speak to on the playground and while pumping gas, because as we lock eyes and see the kids jumping up and down in the backseat, we know each other’s entire lives.
Today you did a show that wasn’t just ordinary, in my opinion, it perpetuated a lie amongst not only the community of mothers, but the world. We’re forgetting how important we are. We’re forgetting who we are; the beginning of life, the first set of eyes and ears for a human being. We’ve traded laughs for depth and called it even.
I was talking to a friend of mine and asking myself why this was happening. Well, the commercials that she said aired during your show offer clues. It’s hard to sell cosmetic surgery and promises of a magazine’s version of beauty to a woman who knows she’s enough. It’s hard to convince her to fill her garage with knick nacks and her life with toys she’ll never use if she thinks life is sweet. And it’s especially hard to get her to iron or fill the wrinkles in her face if she’s proud of the years that brought them on.
Some may have forgotten who we are, but I haven’t nor will I let my daughter should she choose to be a mother one day. Should she choose to stroke and comfort the spirit of another I’ll tell her that she’s everything, everyone to that child. She’s not her hair, her stomach, her car, her clothes, her job, or her zip code. She’s not even her stroller.
I’m going to tell her that the man or woman she is pulling out of a clumsy, giggling, stinky, sweet, petulant, thankful, thankless little body may never understand the nights she spent wondering, hoping, crying, and staring into their face wishing for them the whole world and none of it at all, but she’ll remember and regret none of it. For sure I’ll tell her that she’ll be amazed at her own intuition and the mama bear that lurks beneath demure smiles.
She’ll know that what she is doesn’t make sense, it isn’t right, wrong, fair or special; those are words that humans use. We’re mothers.
There will be bad days and good days, but they’ll all be the most important day in that child’s life and in hers. I’ll tell her that the calling she’s stepped into will lead her to secrets that wise men spend their whole lives meditating and pouring over ancient texts to uncover; that she’s fallen into a valley of a love so intense that it will warm and burn her at the same time.
That’s a mother.
Sincerely, Bunmi
